I know it is usually time for Friday Fun but this cannot go unnoticed. Hostess, the makers of the wonderful goodness we all remember growing up, Wonder Bread, Twinkies, and Ding Dongs, is in bankruptcy court today. The thing before them, to decide whether or not to liquidate the company and cease production. This is simply unconscionable. This is in a response to a week-long strike by workers across the company’s 33 manufacturing plants in the United States. They had until 5pm EST on Thursday to resume their posts or the company was going to file in federal bankruptcy court. Pretty sure those workers didn’t come back to the line.
This is really scary. I mean when I was a kid the Twinkie was a staple of life. It was one of those foods you just didn’t go without. You remember that yellow cakey goodness filled with that rich filling. Oh, I can still taste them. Much like Woody Harellson’s character in Zombieland are the American people going to be reduced to trekking across the country looking for that last magical Twinkie. I mean, yeah, Snoballs are all good and what not, but can coconut topping really serve as a substitute for one of the greatest things known to man. The Twinkie is so iconic it had a supporting role in the original Die Hard movie. A snack cake people, with a supporting role in the defining action movie that spawned pretty much the entire genre after 1988. That’s a big role for a small cake.
Now there is nothing to say that it had indeed lost a little of its luster over the years. But was that the Twinkies fault, or was it the fault of the health nazis out there preaching to us. Yo, trans fat is bad, salt is bad, saturated fat is bad, creme filling made from fats are bad, everything that tastes good is bad for you. It will make you die. Well newsflash, something ends up killing you in the end and if a few heavenly tasting Twinkies are going to steal a couple of the last years off your life….so be it. They were years I probably didn’t want anyway. The ones right at the end. It is not as if those years were coming out of my twenties, no.
Here is the other thing. They just legalized the marijuana in Colorado and Washington for recreational use. For funsies people. You think the massive influx of stoners into those states isn’t going to cause a crunch in the supply side of snack cakes and chips. Frito Lay has got to be ramping up production by 50% to get Cool Ranch Doritos and Chili Cheese Fritos to those states before the stoner population reverts to eating pickles out of a jar they found in the back of the fridge. This could have been a watershed moment for Hostess. They would be doing booming business in those states right now; the soccer moms stocking up because the stoners would be buying those things by the case. But no, instead they are headed to bankruptcy court.
Really, they’ll probably liquidate the company and sell the important brand names to other manufacturing companies, but do you want to live in a world where a Twinkie is made by Little Debbie, I mean oatmeal creme pies are great and all that, but the Twinkie, man, that thing is an Icon. I don’t know why Warhol never made some kind of weirdly colored Twinkie poster.
Well, so long Hostess, Dolly Madison, Drake’s, and Nature’s Pride snacks. We will miss what you brought to the sugary snack market. I will weep for my Twinkies.